OK. You have successfully obtained the real phone number and/or email address of a human female and want to contact her. The first question you need to ask is when to actually do it.
Current dating wisdom states that you should not call the next day. Personally I feel this sort of thing really depends on the circumstances in which I met the girl and/or how the opening conversation went. If we met while doing something fun and semi organized (hiking, vampire LARP, charity rugby match, etc) or perhaps the conversation flowed particularly well you might consider calling the next day (late afternoon). However, odds are if you are in need of this blog you probably don’t have a great barometer for measuring this sort of thing, so perhaps you should stay away. It is easy to let your eagerness and/or insecurity let you fool yourself into thinking the conversation was better than you think it was and call too soon.
Never call the same day you got the number (or send a text. Image courtesy of the funny t shirt category). If you want an example of how badly that can go watch the call scene from Swinger. Painfully funny.
Anyway, I would recommend as a guideline to call or email within 2-3 days of getting the number. More than that and you seriously risk pissing her off or worse, being forgotten.
Ok. You’ve started a conversation with an attractive, hopefully single, straight (I have run into that problem frequently, to tell the truth) woman and now you are at one of the points wherein you normally screw up: keeping the conversation going without coming across as a total nerd loser or getting shut down by the girl.
This is one of the toughest things you need to learn to do. Most nerd guys, when talking to a woman, feel compelled to show her how smart they are (Sanford had it right. Shirt image courtesy of the funny t shirt section) by running at the mouth. They also feel that they need to impress them somehow (more on this later) and do so by telling them a lot of stuff. The fact is, the way to impress a girl is to get them to talk about themselves, not you. And the way to do that is open ended questions.
Here’s how open ended questions work. Never ask a girl a question that can be answered with a conversation ending no. Every question you ask her should lead to other questions. For example, a bad question is “Do you like comic book movies?” That is her opportunity to say “No. Oh, there is my friend across the room. Bye.” Instead, ask her something like “Are you having fun at this (insert social event here)?” Even if she says no, you can ask her why, or what types of events she likes, or what have you. Here are some open ended questions with decent follow ups.
“What do you do for a living?” leads to “Do you enjoy it?” leads to “Why or why not?”
“Are you having fun at this party/club/bar/monster truck rally?” leads to “Why or why not?” leads to “Do you come to these or other events often?:
Girl reading a book or doing some kind of work at a coffee house “What are you reading/working on?” leads to “Do you like that author/work?” leads to “Have you read anything else by that author/done any other work of a similar nature?” leads to “What other authors/work do you like?” This thread can go forever, and lead into a really cool conversation on books or work or whatever.
Girl sitting next to you on a plane or train or possibly at an airport or transit center “Where are you headed?” leads to “Why are you going there?” or “Why were you in the city we are leaving?” leads to “Do you travel a lot?” This is a particularly good question as there is very little women like talking about more than travel.
You kind of get the idea. Don’t sound like you are reading from a script. Let it flow. But when she is talking instead of thinking about your next opportunity to show how smart and cool you are think about your next question for her. To be honest you should be curious about her and women love talking about themselves.
This should go without saying, but with most nerds I can’t count on knowledge of any social skills, so I will go ahead and say it. If for whatever reason you find yourself talking to a girl in a doctor’s waiting room or other medical situation never ask her what brings her there. Women hate discussion their bodies with strangers (they wait until you are in a relationship with them, at which time they will tell you everything in excruciating detail) or any discussion that implies some kind of physical abnormality. Unless it is something both obvious and accidental, like a cast. Then you can get her talking about whatever accident brought her there.
As long as we are discussing this, let me also say that if you are at a bar or club do not make the mistake of hanging out near the ladies room in the assumption that every girl in the place will walk by eventually. Also never try to talk to a girl as she leaves the ladies room. That is creepy x10.
Next post: how to shut the hell up.
I just got a shipment that included a couple of Star Trek Next Generation t shirts and I am feeling a little guilty. I know there are Next Gen fans and I am risking alienating those fans, but I have to admit I am a hard core TOS fan.
Whenever someone starts telling me how much better Next Gen is over TOS it always seems to boil down to better special effects. No kidding. You think a sci fi show produced 25 years later might have better effects? That’s like saying the Buck Rogers from the 80’s is better than the one from the 20’s due to the special effects. Thanks, Capt. Obvious.
I have enjoyed episodes of Next Gen, but the fact is the stories are far more bland and politically correct than TOS. The Original Series did some stories that were totally risque and could have gotten them into real trouble. For example, did you know the very first televised interracial kiss was on an episode of TOS? There were stories about racism, nuclear war, age relations, mind expansion, and any number of other troublesome subjects. On of my favorite scenes of all time has to be when the two aliens who were black on one side and white on the other (Episode 70: Let That Be Your Last Battlefield). The great line from Commissioner Bele was “I am black on the right side. Lokai is white on the right side. All his people are white on the right side.” This was his people’s reason for the race war the were in. Next Gen, on the other hand, had stories that more or less were tame “Save the environment” themes and the like.
Also, there is not a single character on TOS I don’t like. They are like the friends I always wanted to have as a kid (my imaginary friends image comes from the funny t shirt category). Next Gen has a few engaging characters but many that bug me. I like Data, Warf, Geordie, and to an extent Picard, but fat bearded cool guy Riker, too-good-for-a-uniform Counselor Troy (I don’t care if she’s Gene Roddenberry niece or whatever), and hired-for-lame-youth-appeal Westley Crusher should have all been sucked out of an airlock episode 1. Also, while I like Capt. Picard, it’s now 400 years into the future. Whatever happened to the Hair Club for Men? He could not only be president and member, but secretary, treasurer, master at arms, and sweep up after the meetings. Finally, that blond security officer who died and came back also bugged the hell out of me to the point that I refuse to look up her name.
The only cool thing Next Gen did in it’s entire run was introduce the Borg. However, the Borg were much more interesting in Voyager, in my opinion.
Yes, Mr. Spock is 79 years old today. I wish him well. Mr. Spock was a big influence on my life as a kid. I kept wishing I were a Vulcan, where being logical and scientific was a sexy thing rather than just nerdy. I have this shirt here from my funny t shirt collection.
I am a little burned out on working today. Somehow I spent all day on three shirts. Not sure where the day went. I do know I now have a lifetime supply of Scotch tape (Office Depot had a buy-two-get-one-free deal on four packs of tape, so somehow I left with 12 rolls of Scotch tape. Sometimes I am a sucker).
Tomorrow is terrain day. That is, my gaming club gets together at someones house and builds terrain for our big Warhammer tournament later this summer. Normally we get 8-10 guys, but a lot of the regulars guys are at Adepticon in Chicago so this time it falls upon those of us without the time, inclination, or money to fly out there.