Now, in an attempt to prove that the world is as surreal as possible, I will give you some basic instructions on how to dance.
As usual, I will start with the negative and end with the positive. Here is a list of dancing do-not-do’s:
First of all, imagine a horizontal line at your collar bone that extends in all directions. This is the gay line. Under no circumstances while on the dance floor can your hands extend above that line, or you will spill whatever reservoir of machismo you have built up during the evening on the floor like a broken water balloon (by the way, I have no issue with gay guys, and have often thought how much easier my life would be if I were gay (smarter friends, more successful, better dresser. It’s just the sex with men part I can’t get past), but this post is to help straight men date straight women so I have to keep things in order).
Secondly, never dance with a drink in your hand. Girls can do it and get away with it. Guys in general (and odds are you in particular) need their full attention while dancing. Also, drinking your drink while dancing will break that line I talked about last paragraph. So leave your drink on the table, even if your date brings hers along (incidentally, you might notice that some women are very hesitant to leave drinks unattended or with guys they don’t know particularly well. I guess it might be fear of Roofies, which is a legitimate concern. If there are any women reading this, Roofies mixed with alcohol produces a bitter taste, and the newer ones have a blue dye in it that will turn light drinks blue).
(poison mushroom image courtesy of the video game t shirt category)
Thirdly, never dance in a circle. You will look like an idiot. Also, don’t move around the floor a lot. Walk to your spot and just dance there. You don’t have the skill to actually walk and dance at the same time. Again, remember that focus.
I’m actually having a lot of fun working on this list, so I think I will continue on tomorrows post. That will give me time to think of other bad dance moves I have seen or done.
Over the weekend, I watched my sister and her friend playing Super Mario Galaxy for the Wii, and I have to admit that I was decidedly underwhelmed. While the graphics have never been the main draw to the Mario games, they seem identical to those of Super Mario 64. And in the couple of levels that I watched them play, it seems like the game development is lacking as well.
Maybe I was just easily enamored with video games when I was younger, but I can’t see what these new Mario games offer players. As someone who goes around sporting an old school video game t shirt on a regular basis, I am disappointed with what has become of the franchise. Although it may not be the low point that the live action Mario movie was, Super Mario Galaxy may be an indication that the rein of Mario is over.