Another text conversations with Dave and Dave: Vampire chicks verses werewolf chicks
Another day, another surreal conversation with my best friend who happens to also be named Dave. Before I get blasted for being sexist let me say that this is how dudes talk. Ladies, any guy who denies this is a flat out liar.
Dave C: Would you rather date a vampire or werewolf chick?
Dave I: Werewolf. Turns into a beast once a month? How is that different from a regular chick? (Note: I can sense the hate emails being written as I write this)
DC: I think she would have two cycles a month.
DI: Oh. Vampire then. Sucks your lifeblood? How is that different from a regular chick?
DC: Vampires are usually loaded and I’d rather have to pay blood instead of cash and maybe she would let me crash in her castle. I prefer well groomed.
DI: You know once in a while I get kind of attracted to a cute hairy hippy chick.
DC: Yeah as long as they don’t smell too bad but I can’t deal with unshaven pits. I get sick at the smell of patchouli too.
DI: That’s the problem with dating a vampire. I love eating garlic.
DC: Any girl will find something they hate about you anyway.
DI: Yeah. The werewolf would probably not want to kiss you because of your silver fillings.
DI: Would dating a vampire chick count as necrophilia?
DC: .5. Diet necrophilia.
DC: There’s nothing wrong with that.
DC: Girl who will: work with you, play Warhammer with you, or play video games with you?
DI: Video games. Work with would get up your ass quick and there are no attractive women who play Warhammer. Plus a lot of cute girls play video games. Just look at Felicia Day.
DC: I love her. I would ruin her life within a year.
DI: Also if she ever starts to bug you you could pray for a power outage.
DC: I never get tired of COOP gaming except for Destiny LOL.
DI: That game got old like from one day to the next. Super hot chick who hates video games or an OK chick who loves them?
DC: OK is hot when you add a gaming headset.
DI: True. On the other hand you can always sneak in video games on your iPad once in a while. “I’m just reading the news honey.”
And I wonder why I’m still single. The image I got from a funny t shirt in my personal collection.
the Infamous Dave Inman