Nerd Dating: Online Dating pt 10: understanding poster’s careers

Sorry I didn’t get anything posted over the weekend, but I had something to do that was WAY more important (and fun) than sniping at jobs listed on online dating posts, and I’m not talking about the Superbowl.  However, I will make sure to get something done every day this week, although I might have something to do next weekend as well.

Anyway, I’m getting into more specific jobs, mostly based on what I think I can make the most funny and insightful comments about.  Still, I think this could all be pretty useful.

Pharmaceutical Representative. In the world of manufactures sales reps being a pharm rep is the Holy Grail.  Great money, low geographic area, and easy to sell products.  I have long dreamed of dating a pharm rep, for any number of reasons.  First of all, pharmaceutical companies as a matter of course only hire super hot women to do it.  Something about trying to convince male doctors to prescribe their drugs.  So even if you don’t see a phote, you can know they are probably pretty good looking.  On the other hand, they are super busy and honestly are probably shopping for a doctor, so go easy.

Massage therapist. These women fall into three camps.  The most first is trained, true massage therapists.  They tend to be into Eastern culture and are probably do something like Shiatsu.  They take lots of classes and have a ton of certifications which in their mind is the equivalent of a college degree, in spite of the fact that it really isn’t.  They tend to be super fit, kind of skinny, vegetarian, and into stuff like meditation.  However, if you ever hope to see her naked you can never get her to massage you.  These women are so paranoid about being unprofessional that as soon as they dig into your doughy musculature you will forever be considered a client.  The second type is less trained, tends to be a lot more hippy dippy, cute in an slightly out of shape granola way, and more willing to give you a massage after sex.  She tends to be more happy and into the fun of it, but is flat broke.  The third is pretty much a hooker.  Usually from another country (Korean, most often from what I have heard) and willing to have sex for money.  I don’t know why they would be online, but if they are I would highly recommend not having anything to do with them.  It is a mess you don’t want to deal with.  If this person is a guy it will either be a super hot, muscular dude or a big, overweight, not terrible attractive guy.  If the first, I can almost guarantee he is looking for a sugar mama.  If not he is probably pretty sleezy.  If the second he is likely to be a decent guy, who actually will be able to give you a killer back rub.  See past the bulk if you can.

Stripper. Often listed as erotic or exotic dancer, most likely this woman is actually just fishing for guys to go to her pay website.  A women who dances for money who is sincere about meeting someone for a relationship will make up a fake job (which is a whole different kind of problem).  Odds are at some point I will do an entire post on dating (or trying to date) strippers, but for now believe me when I say dating a stripper is like being stuck in the accretion disk of a black hole.  If the stripper is male and not gay then he is 100% a sleezeball.  Basically he is not meeting enough women through his job (where is is surrounded by dozens of women stuffing money into his jock) and wants more sex.  On the other hand he is probably pretty good at sex, so if you are looking for a good time and/or a social disease, then go for it.  Just know going in he will cheat on you if you attempt a relationship and lie about it constantly.

Waiter/Waitress. Or server, if you want to be PC.  Very similar in many ways to a retail worker, in that they can be very fun to date when they are young and absolute hell when they get older.  The main difference is if you date one he or she will totally critique your food habits, table manners, the servers professionalism, and how much you tip.  Also, if you want to lose any desire to eat at a restaurant ever again have him or her tell you stories of health code violations that they see pretty much every day.  Also, they can cause you to eat less by telling you about all the fat bastards who do 10,000 calorie meals every night.

Wactor/Wactresses. This is a waiter/actor or waitress/actress.  I have no experience with actual actors or actresses (I actually assume if you are good enough looking to be an actor you don’t need to go online to meet someone) but living in LA I used to meet wactors and wactresses pretty much every day.  They usually studied drama in college, work as a server to pay their bills, and fight mounting desperation as each day passes without being discovered.  They generally tend to date each other like cockroaches living on each others filth, but once in a while will branch out.  However, be prepared to go to a lot of horrible plays and spend a tone of time reassuring them that they are still attractive and can act.  If they didn’t actually study acting then there is a pretty good chance they will eventually get into stripping or porn.  Kind of  fun to date on the front end and generally easy on the eyes, these folks usually turn into a headache of astronomical proportions.

That’s enough for now.  I think I will do one more post on this and then move on to interpreting online photos.

For our question last post, a ninja versus a football team’s worth of zombies, I think the Ninja would win as long as he figured out early enough to cut their heads off.  If he tried anything else he would probably end up as zombie chow.  (Ninja image from the cheap t shirts category)

For today let’s get political.  Who would win, Abraham Lincoln versus a young Ronald Wilson Reagan?

Leave a Comment