The Best and Worst Movies of 2011 Part 2
And so I continue.
The “Dressing a Pig in a Wig and Ballroom Dress” award for the most worthless, unnecessary, or misapplied use of CGI or special effects. The candidates are Transformers Dark of the Moon, The Immortals, The Three Musketeers, Conan the Barbarian, Green Lantern, and I am Number Four. There wasn’t actually a lot of mental debate on my part for this one. The inexplicable and completely unnecessary pyrotechnic special effects in Transformers Dark of the Moon make it the clear cut winner.
The “We Might Have Actually Done a Better Job With Claymation” award for the worst CGI effects. The candidates are Season of the Witch, Dylan Dog, Dead of the Night, Green Lantern, Troll Hunter and Attack the Block. I hate doing this as I honestly enjoyed the movie, but I have to give it to Attack the Block for the midnight black bugbears. A little depth and shadow is not that hard to render, guys.
The “My Trophy Wife is Actually a Real Doll” award for the most obviously tacked on unnecessary or worthless supporting character. The candidates are Erin Sadelstein (Katie Holmes) from Jack and Jill, Walter from the Muppets, Milady de Winter (Mila Jovovich) from the Three Musketeers, the entire cast of New Years Eve, Riah (Oriah Acima Andrews) from Abduction, Brawny Smurf from the Smurfs, the kids from the Change Up, Carly Spencer (Rosie Huntington Whitely) from Tranformers Dark of the Moon, and Tom Kalmaku (Taika Waititi) from Green Lantern. With such a plethora of candidates it was really tough to narrow things down (I’d like to give a special mention to Hal Jordan’s entire family, especially his nephew, in Green Lantern as well) but the award has to go to Rosie Huntington Whitely for her worthless portrayal as a love interest in Transformers. I think they could have had the same result had the filmmakers just streamed internet porn into a picture-within-a-picture in one corner of the film, and we wouldn’t have had to put up with her acting.
The “$3 More Buys You a Headache and a Cheap Pair of Souvenir Glasses” award for the worst or most unnecessary 3D effects. The candidates are Drive Angry, Green Lantern, Priest, Fright Night, the Three Musketeers, the Immortals, and Hugo. I think all 3D sucks, but given a choice I think I will have to give this one to Priest. Literally did nothing for the quality of the film.
The “George W Bush” award for the movie that makes the most mockery of science. The candidates are the Darkest Hour, Twilight Saga Breaking Dawn Part I, the Three Musketeers, Tree of Life, Captain America: the First Avenger, Transformers Dark of the Moon, Super 8, Source Code, and I am Number Four. God I want to give this one to the Three Musketeers. The problem is, while every single invention in that movie was like a stupid sandwich served up with extra stupid and a side of dumb, they were all theoretically possible. Therefore I have to give this award to Source Code for the inane concept that a computer hooked up to a dead man’s brain can alter the space/time continuum. Saying the words “quantum physics” does not really mean you understand quantum physics. (image courtesy of the Nerd T Shirt category)
OK, enough of the negative awards. Let’s do some positive ones.
The “Sex With a Crazy Woman” award for the movie whose 3D effects were good enough to eclipse the headache I got. The candidates are the Muppets, Arthur Christmas, Transformers Dark of the Moon, the Adventures of Tintin, and Conan the Barbarian. I am going to give this one to the Smurfs. I think 3D works best when done on fully rendered animation, and having it included in a live action film helped the CGI figures really pop out nicely.
The “Square Peg Into a Square Hole” award for the best, most effective, or must seamless use of CGI and special effects. The candidates are the Darkest Hour, the Thing, Don’t be Afraid of the Dark, Real Steel, Rise of the Planet of the Apes, and Cowboys and Aliens. This was a real debate for me, boiling down to Real Steel and Planet of the Apes. I thin I am going to go with Real Steel. When you look at a giant robot in that film it really looks like there is a giant robot on the screen. You could easily say the same for Planet of the Apes, but honestly I just like robots better than apes.
The “Wonder Bra” award for the best supporting character or sidekick. The candidates are Kato (Jay Chao) from Green Hornet, Clive Gollings (Nick Frost) from Paul, Wise Man (Scott Glenn) from Sucker Punch, Hobson (Helen Mirren) from Arthur, Dr, Carolina Aranha (Frieda Pinto) from Rise of the Planet of the Apes, Chet (Aziz Ansari) from 30 Minutes or Less, Peter Brand (Jonah Hill) from Moneyball, and Matt Freehauf (Patton Oswalt) from Young Adult. This is a tough one too as I would want any one of these people backing me up. However, if I had to choose one to be my go to guy in a tight spot I think I would go with the Wise Man from Sucker Punch.
That’s it for today. More later on, although I might see a movie tonight. I have been meaning to see Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy. It looks really good. Follow me on Twitter @NerdKungFu. Thanks for reading. Talk to you tomorrow.