By / 15th August, 2012 / star trek t shirts, T-Shirts / No Comments

The Bourne Legacy Review

By “Legacy” I guess they mean cow milking cash grab.

Sorry it’s been a while since I saw something or wrote a review, but I was in Las Vegas most of the last few days at the amazing Star Trek convention.  I had a blast, met some great people, sold a ton of shirts, and was soundly rejected by three women (although to be fair I’m not sure if I was really asking one of them out).  I also discovered that girls wearing a Starfleet uniform from either TOS or TNG are a real turn on for me.  I don’t know if I really want to dig deep in that dark hole in my psyche, but if any ladies are looking to catch my eye there’s the way to do it (Uniform shirt courtesy of the Star Trek T Shirt category).

I made it back in one piece and am now able to indulge in another of my passions: excreting the bitter bile of my soul all over mediocre or lousy movies.

Not that the Bourne Legacy was necessarily bad or even mediocre.  I will put it at slightly above mediocre.  Like a C+.  However, it has latched onto the Bourne teat and suckled that cow down to skin and bones.  I kept count and either heard or saw the name Bourne no less than 15 times during the course of the movie.  In 135 minutes that’s once every 9 minutes.  I guess they felt a cold terror at the thought that the audience wasn’t remembering where this film came from often enough.  Speaking of 135 minutes, I was feeling the weight of them by the end of the movie.  A lot of scenes seemed to drag on for ever.  It would have been nice if they had invested in an ending rather than have the whole movie kind of drift off into space with more or less nothing accomplished other than the finding of a magic MacGuffin.

Bottom line on this film is that it is a decent if fragmented action spy movie.  However, it is not of the same caliber as the first three Bourne films.  The story is comprised of about 15 spy sub plots and more or less exists as a framework to hang extended action scenes on.  I can honestly say this film completely lacks an Act III.  There is the intro, a huge development scene, and then all of a sudden it ends with almost nothing resolved beyond the intermediate issues arising from the development.  Also, if it has been a while since you saw any of the first three be prepared to get pretty much totally confused as to what the hell is going on.  This movie runs in parallel with the other films and if you don’t know what those films were about you will be like Hansel and Gretel without bread crumbs.  Furthermore, while it has been a while since I saw those it seems they have taken the whole Treadstone program in a new and stupider direction by making the Treadstone spies the result of some kind of science fiction super drug program rather than just training and psychological conditioning.  Again, while I think this would have made for a decent stand alone movie it really didn’t feel like a Bourne movie.

The story.  I don’t want to get too deep into it as it will be hard to do without spoilers.  Jason Bourne is wreaking havoc across the world.  Back at CIA headquarters (or something like CIA) they are all trying to cover their asses by burying the Treadstone program, which involves pretty much killing all the agents and scientists involved.  Aaron Cross (Jeremy Renner-the Hurt Locker, The Avengers, Mission Impossible Ghost Protocol) survives his attempted killing, as does scientist Dr. Marta Shearing (Rachel Weisz-the Mummy, the Fountain, Constantine).  Aaron is hooked on some enhancing drugs and has to get more so he tracks down Marta.  At that point they do the whole “man on the run” spy thing while looking for the thing that will keep Aaron from degenerating.  Spy hijinks ensues.  The US Intelligence community is painted to look like the most amoral bastards since Hitler.  A villain is pullout out of the ether (Louis Ozawa Changchien-Predators, Fair Game, Robot Stories).  The Wayback Machine is set for 2006 as parkour rears it’s head once more.  The movie comes to an abrupt ending like a car running out of gas.

The stars.  I really liked the character of Aaron Cross.  Had the movie just been about him I would have like it a lot better.  One star.  The action was good and fun.  One star.  The story had a nice complexity and actually required you to pay attention.  One star.  I always like to see Ed Norton in any film.  One star.  In fact the entire cast was good and delivered generally good performances.  Rachel Weisz was especially good.  Two stars.  Overall a fun movie.  One star.  Total: seven stars.

The black holes.  The movie ran long, and some of the scenes were repetitive and seemed to go on forever.  Pacing should have been tightened a lot.  One black hole.  The constant reminder of Jason Bourne really bugged after a while, and the movie felt anchored down by the need to keep on reminding you of where it came from.  One black hole.  The story lacked cohesion and most of the characters didn’t really have a motivation I wanted to buy.  One black hole.  The ending sucked eggs.  One black hole.  Total: four black holes.

A grand total of three stars.  Not bad, but not great.  Worth seeing, but do yourself a favor and watch the first three beforehand.  Nothing in this film really requires a large screen so feel free to NetFlix it.  Date movie?  Nothing about this film will entice your date to take off her clothes, so not really.  On the other hand I don’t think it will hurt your chances.  Bathroom break?  There’s a scene after Aaron first rescues Marta where they are driving in the car that is totally miss worthy.  Either that or the big airport/flight scene.  Literally nothing interesting happens and it drags on like you are on the 10 hour flight.

Thanks for reading.  Now that all the big shows I am doing are done I am going to see more movies and try to write more often.  Follow me on Twitter @NerdKungFu.  If you have comments on this movie or review feel free to post them here.  If you have off topic questions or suggestions feel free to email me at  Talk to you soon.


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