Disney buys out Star Wars
I have had about eight of my friends ask me to express my opinion on this recent major change in the geek-osphere. To be perfectly honest, I am kind of apathetic. Thirteen years ago, prior to the Phantom Menace, I would have seen this as a betrayal and disaster on the order of Benedict Arnold having sex with the captain of the Exxon Valdez in the reactor room of Three Mile Island and giving birth to the most treasonous, mutated disaster in the history of the universe.
That, of course, was when I still believed that Star Wars and George Lucas were paragons of sci fi virtue to which nothing short of season 4 of Star Trek TOS could compare. However, like finding your sisters journal and discovering that not only is she no longer a virgin but has had enough action to put some porn stars to shame (at the time I remember being both really upset and jealous at the same time) George has ruined whatever virtue Star Wars ever really had by whoring it out to death and then selling it’s corpse to weird sexual fetish people. Like a creepy child molester dressed as a clown (ugh!) he has put his filthy hands all over his own creation and touched all of it’s bathing suit parts in ways that will continue to resurface for decades and the question I have to ask is “Can Disney really screw it up any worse?”
Sure, as their acquisition of Pixar has proven they can’t absorb anything without infusing it with their weird brand of cheerful corporate smiley totalitarianism, but say what you will about them (believe me, I have) the one thing they are good at is making films. It does seem that whenever they dip into the science fiction pool they seem to come out with John Carter of Mars or Tron Legacy, but as bad as films may be I would take all the bad in every Disney sci fi movie combined (yes, even Around the World in 80 Days) to having to watch even one full minute of Jar Jar Binks on screen.
The thing is, George Lucas might have been visionary and a special effect genius back in the 70’s but honestly he sucks at making movies. Disney can actually hire good actors (rather than guys who should haven’t even been considered for the role of C3PO) and create a romance that doesn’t make me want to sterilize the entire human race. While their stories are pretty pat and lame they don’t look like they were written by a brain damaged eight year old. Most importantly, they don’t have a Death Star sized ego or the drive to control every aspect of the film. They are fully capably of hiring good directors, writers, and producers rather than feel the need to do it all themselves.
I think the recent amazing hit the Avengers is a perfect example of that. They seem to have understood that the fans didn’t want to see Tinkerbell team up with the Hulk (image courtesy of the Marvel Comic T Shirt category) in a fight to save dogs from Cruella DeVille and for the most part gave us what we wanted. I can only hope they have the same understanding with Star Wars and opt to stay away from giant racist cartoon rabbits who make me want to punch every fat white bearded man I see in the head.
So bottom line, I think I am OK with this huge merger. Lucas scored big ($4.05 billion. Remember begging your mother to buy you that Hoth Han Solo action figure? Guess where all that money ended up) and I hope he enjoys it. My only hope is that Disney hires Joss Whedon to direct the next one and he produces a movie that makes all other Star Wars (after Empire, of course. I’m not asking for the Second Coming here) look like the dross they are, and that George Lucas is so shamed by what he did to a great series that he either moves to Tibet to become a penniless monk or chokes on his own bile.
Sorry no new reviews for a while. Headed to Texas tomorrow and am painting my ass off tonight. Follow me on Twitter @NerdKungFu.com. If you have comments on this topic feel free to post them. If you have off topic questions or suggestions feel free to email me at email@example.com. Thanks, and have a great night.
P.S. I suppose I should say something about Disney also acquiring the rights to Indiana Jones. However, again, after the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull how much worse can they damage it? Honestly, I was never that much an Indiana fan. Also, can someone explain to me how the 13 crystal skeleton aliens all died in the control chairs for the space craft and the last one cut off his own head to hide out in the jungle somewhere? What part of that makes sense? You can thank Lucas for the aliens as well.