By / 20th December, 2014 / Music t shirt, T-Shirts / No Comments

The Hobbit: Battle of the Five Armies Review Part 4

This movie suffers from the “We have to make this one biggerer and badderer than the last ones!” disease and has the net result of being kind of stupiderer.  For every cool battle scene there were five that were plain dumb (mostly involving Legolas).  Suspension of disbelief is one thing but we all know how gravity works so the more you warp that the less real the scenes look and feel.  You can’t stick two broken ends of a bow into a log and use it to launch a ballistae bolt.  You can’t run up falling rocks or launch yourself through ice 10 feet in the air.  The coolest things about the LOTR battle scenes is they were epic without being ridiculous.  This film lost all that.  It also had a lot of the action smothered under the PG-13 rating like Jack Nicholson in One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s next but that is to be expected.  Heaven forbid we make this film less accessible to the kiddywinks or require parents to make an active determination what entertainment is appropriate for their kids.

They need to be bigger hit the visuals as well.  The first series had 12 foot trolls and you know what would be cooler than that?  30 foot trolls!  Oliphants?  Pshaw.  We have giant Graboids (nerd cred if you know where that came from.  No Googling).  We definitely need to have another city under siege just like Gondor so look out Dale!  Remember that desperate battle between Éowyn and the Witch King?  Now we have an even more desperate battle between Thorin and Azog.  Music T ShirtYou can almost see the storyboard artists desperately trying to think of ways to insert things from the LOTR but more epic like a kid trying to improve a classic music t shirt with a Bedazzler.



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