So another weird conversation with my best friend Dave. Today’s subject: time travel!
Dave I: If you could go back in time what is the first thing you’d do?
Dave C: Tame a dinosaur.
DI: I’d probably go back to when my dad was still drinking and beat the s&%$ out of him.
DC: LOL good thought.
DI: Then jump to 1985 and beat the s&%$ out of three guys and myself for being such a goober. Time travel involves a lot of violence for me.
DC: You’re killing me. I’d go back to the time when I could have slept with all the girls that I could have then wreak vengeance on almost everyone else. Carol at Nichols (note: a place Dave and I both worked at) is first on the list. I had my chance and screwed it up big big.
DI: Yep. I’d tell myself to ask out Ginger and then not to tell Lisa from Nichols my age until the morning after.
DC: Ginger would have married you and turned you into me.
DI: Of course the real answer is go back and invent Facebook.
DC: I’d go back and make sure Facebook was never invented.
DI: LOL. Either that or create 10,000,000,000 temporal clones and conquer the planet.
DI: Also find the chick who cancelled Firefly and run her over with my car. She should be careful. It will be a nerd who invents time travel and he or she will be looking for payback. Maybe not kill her but make sure her parents never kiss at the Enchantment Under the Sea dance in high school. (note: the image comes from one of the Firefly tshirts I wear all the time)
DC: LOL. It may not have caught on if it hadn’t been cancelled and we would be stuck with Muppets Avengers.
DI: Good point. This changing the history is hard.
DC: Ow my area!
DI: I’d like to go back and use my super future powers to impress and date Mary Tyler Moore. Or maybe Audrey Hepburn.
DC: Hahaha. I’d help Hefner invent Playboy.
DI: Knowing my luck it would morph into Highlights Magazine.
DC: Tell Terry Pratchet to lay off the diet soda and tuna. Take out Lucas before he did Jedi.
DI: Good one. Of course some other moron would have taken over and likely done something even more horrible.
DC: He fired all the writers that would have done Jedi. It would have been good.
DC: Which is the worse affront to humanity: all Star Wars post Empire or Red Tails?
DI: Good question. Red Tails was abysmal but at least no one really watched it. I’d have to say the bad Star Wars.
DC: Which would you rather see 3X in a row: Phantom Menace or Red Tails.
DI: Can’t I just choose to die horribly? Phantom Menace I guess but that’s like choosing to lose your testicles completely or keeping one ball.
DI: I’d like to do some time travel practical jokes. Like giving the guys signing the Declaration of Independence disappearing ink.
DC: Beastmaster’s Tanya Roberts or Dragon Slayers Caitlin Clarke?
DI: I liked Tanya’s costume better but Caitlin Clarke.
DC: Caitlin Clarke = no costume in the movie.
DI: Caitlin or Joan of Arc from Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure?
DC: No brainer Jane Whelen.
DC: I had a huge crush on her since Some Kind of Wonderful.
DI: Yeah I liked that film too.
DC: Plus the hot limo driver was a ringer for my dead girlfriend Leah. Mary Stewart Masterson.
Like most of our text conversation this one ran out of steam at that point. I’m sure I’ve improved the collective value of Western literature by sharing this with you but honestly I think these conversations are hilarious.
the Infamous Dave Inman
“What was your most Awkward moment?”
Misha when imitating Mark talked about their dynamic both on the show and in real life.
“He’s usually the one who always says “No” so I kinda became the guy who always says “Yes” somehow. It was like, at fan meet and greets, people would be sneaky and grope my ass and I was just like, okay, whatever. Or in pictures with fans they’ll always come up with these props and ask me to be silly, which I love.”
He paused and made a face to indicate his sudden realization that he’d made a terrible mistake and then, “Eep!”
So, apparently, according to Misha Collins himself, all actors are just really expensive whores and if you ask him to do pretty much anything at one of these conventions, he feels obliged to say yes. You’re welcome! (“Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!” Firefly Tshirt because it was certainly sudden and inevitable.) And yes, that totally happened: a fan actually licked his stomach at some point during a photo op. That was his most awkward moment.
Uh oh. I think I’m out of pluses but still have a minus.
Minus: the three pronged lightsaber.
I honestly believe that overuse of lightsabers was one of the downfalls of the prequels. In the original movies the lightsaber was an exotic weapon. It was hardly ever used but when it was you knew it was serious. Darth Vader did not use his lightsaber to deflect Han Solo’s blaster bolts in the dinning room in Cloud City. The Emperor even derided the weapon. He seemed to think it was more like a toy and that the pure Force was the true weapon. On Dagobah Yoda didn’t even teach Luke anything about the lightsaber. It was all about inner control and the flow of the Force. In the prequels they used the lightsaber to at the drop of a hat, or the possibility of someone dropping a hat, or the presence of someone wearing a hat, or someone who has a head that could potentially wear a hat (Jayne beenie, the best hat in the ‘verse, I found among our collection of Firefly tshirts). It got tired and way overdone and now it looks like they are going to lightsaber the crap out of this film. Also remember what I said about trying too hard? The three pronged lightsaber is where that came from. In the Phantom Menace we had the awkward to use double ended lightsaber for Darth Maul. “No way we are going to not do better than that! You know what is better than a lightsaber with two blades? A lightsaber with THREE blades! Ha ha ha hahahah!”
Also can you seriously look at at that lightsaber and not envision a situation where you could totally give yourself an accidental appendectomy? Also what is up with red lightsabers for Sith and the Rainbow Coalition for Jedi? Does using the Dark Side turn your lightsaber red or does all that evil make you naturally inclined to go with shades of black and red? Maybe the Dark Side midichlorians (JJ Abrams may have forgotten about them but I have not) causes a vitamin deficiency that only red light can fulfill? If you were a Jedi trying to infiltrate some Sith would a shopping trip to Hot Topic and a color changed for your saber be enough to party with them? Is there some kind of color setting dial on the saber? I’d go with hot pink just to screw with the canon.
I admit I loved this episode as a kid but as an adult (with body hair and everything) I now kind of think of it as fairly juveniles. When I did my list of favorite Trek episodes it didn’t even make the top 20. To be honest I have always been more inclined towards the serious and depressing episodes. They just always felt like they have more gravitas.
As an adult I also have some questions about the Omicron Delta planet. If they have to technology to take McCoy’s ripped out heart and bleeding corpse and revive him wouldn’t that make the planet the destination of every cadaver in the Federation? In fact as a doctor wouldn’t Bones have an interest in some of those techniques? Seems like a season later McCoy almost had Sarek die on the operating table. Some of the Omicronian technology might have come in handy.
For that matter how about the whole mind reading thing? Seems like this planet is a treasure trove of tech for the Federation and I probably would have strip mined it to it’s molten core. Either that or just lived there and populated the entire planet with clones of Zoe, Inara, and Kaylee from Firefly. Sorry you can’t visit. (very appropriate image courtesy of the Firefly tshirt category)
the Infamous Dave Inman
I have to admit I love this episode. There was something about Trelane that I loved. Perhaps it was the fact that the crew of the Enterprise is always better when faced with a vastly superior adversary. Also it drives Kirk nuts when someone fails to take him seriously and that is fun to watch.
Star Trek was never above recycling props from old episodes and reusing them later on and I have to give this episode massive props (haw!) for the best reuse when they took the Buffalo costume from The Man Trap, put in on a mannequin, and put it in the corner as a stuffed trophy in Trelene’s mansion. The fact that Kirk and the others never even remarked on it is even cooler. Possibly the first real example of a great sci fi Easter Egg like when a Star Wars Imperial Shuttle flew over the space port in Firefly (Image from one of my personal Firefly tshirts). Perhaps they just assumed Trelene had killed a buffalo in his travels, although it later proved he had simply created it along with the rest of the planet.
Honestly the “twist” of Trelane really being a child is a little prosaic IMO. I’m sure it was mindblowing back in the day but honestly the real enjoyment of this episode is in the crew and how they deal with him.
the Infamous Dave Inman
The difference between Seasons I and II verses III is pretty staggering and as I get closer to the beginning of the series the difference becomes even more apparent. It’s not just that they ran out of ideas but the basic was better early on. Arena is nigh flawless, with a complete arc, clearly understood motivations, a twist, and an underlying message regarding morality. In general a great episode.
By the way, I keep meeting Bobby Clark the man who wore the Gorn suit. He is super cool.
Anyway, one cool thing about this episode is when the crew debates whether the Federation was wrong to set a colony on Cestus III. It’s nice to see that it is run by fallible creatures. I think it added a nice humanizing touch to the society of Star Trek. It’s also fun to see Kirk not be the biggest, baddest guy around. The Gorn captain pretty much curb stomped him the whole time and only by inventing gunpowder (the great equalizer) was Kirk able to save himself.
The influence of this episode is felt even today in shows like Firefly where a ship Captain opted to prove his greater humanity by showing mercy to his defeated opponent in the episode Shindig. Star Trek is pretty much the precursor of everything. (Mal image courtesy of the Firefly tshirts)
the Infamous Dave Inman
3. Jayne Cobb from Firefly
Does this one even need an explanation? What thinking nerd doesn’t want to be friends with Jayne? His is super cool, super fun, a hero in a town that produces mud, and has excellent taste in headgear. He says some of the best lines ever (“Pain is scary”) and has a very direct approach to problem solving that I wish more of my actual friends would adapt. Plus he is a family man and cares for his mother and sister. You can’t help but respect that.
Why would Jayne want to be my friend? Good question. He is not exactly the friendly type. I have the feeling earning Jayne’s friendship is a lot of work and can be dropped for the right amount of money. He is a mercenary through and through and I wouldn’t count on him doing anything for friendship. I think the best I could hope for would be a friendly acquaintance. In truth I would be happy with that.
This image is from one of my all time favorite Firefly tshirts. I think it is awesome and says everything you ever needed to know about Jayne.
I have been working an a whole slew of new Star Trek t-shirts and am starting to burn out on them. I do have a huge tolerance for Star Trek but even I have my capacity. I think I will let them sit until tomorrow. Maybe I need to just watch some more Firefly (the image comes from my personal collection of great Firefly tshirts).
Going to see Kick Ass again tomorrow, I think. I have some guys who want to go, but another friend of mine wants to go see it in the city and I think I am more inclined to go with her. I see those guys every week.
I just got my first shipment of lunch boxes, coffee mugs, and drinking glasses. I need to figure out how to ship them. Another great weekend project. I also think I found the display units I want to use for our next trade show, but I don’t know if they will arrive in time. We’ll see.
Anyway, that’s it. Still have a ton of work to do. Talk to you all soon.